Gratitude

This is something I wish was going around at my house more often this Christmas. Gratitude. 

Lately, I've noticed my oldest acting "entitled." How did this happen? It's an attribute I've striven as a parent for my child NOT to cultivate. A enormous list of wants for presents under the tree from this non-believer who has Santa's cell phone number and can text him at will and whim. 

Where is the gratitude for what is already in her possession? Where is the willingness to share? Does she not know there are people without homes, food, and no hope of ever having a cell phone? That there are places in the world where instead of wanting their two front teeth, they'd rather have clean water in their town/village instead of hiking miles to get it, sometimes mulitiple times a day. How does she not see the bigger global picture? 

More importantly, how do I get her to see it? 

The other day she threw such a fit, the third in a series this week, that I was ready to tell Santa to unwrap the presents and send them back. No gifts this year. Perhaps that would shake her back to reality. But then, how do we explain that to the Believer in the house? Your older sibling was so naughty she didn't even rate coal, instead she got nothing? That wouldn't go over well and I have no wish to spend Christmas Day with a ticked off tween on the rant. 

I bought a sign a few years ago, it reads, "Simplify Christmas. Celebrate Christ." HE is what Christmas is supposed to be about. Not a jolly red man in a suit, or a castout reindeer with a shiny red nose, or even the ghosts of Christmas Past, Present, and Future. (I really don't have any complaints with a Christmas Carol. Dickens message about caring for your fellowman is in line with Christ's teachings.) 

The season is about gratitude for God's Plan of Happiness and for Christ being born. It is about reflecting on HIS example and how we can make changes to become more like him. It is about sharing the joyful message, sharing HIS light, sharing what we have with those who are without. 

Yes, yes, you nod. That is all very well and good but you have nearly thirty years experience and maturity to draw on for your bigger picture perpsective. Your oldest child doesn't. 

True. And though I tell her about the sacrifices made on my behalf by my single mom and how I was aware of how much I learned about the cost and value of things which made me appreciate them, she doesn't get it. 

So, my question to you is, How do you help your child to cultivate gratitude and see the bigger picture, not just at this time of year, but all year long? What do you do to put HIM at the center of your life and your child's/children's lives? 

'Cause I'm all ears.

Otherwise, we might simplify Christmas next year to the point of no presents under the tree. 

Happy Holidays! May they be merry, bright, and full of light...and gratitude.  

Unashamed

This post was originally put on my other blog on September 13th, 2009. As I thought about what message I wanted to share on this blog so close to Christmas, I couldn't think of anything more appropriate than sharing my testimony of the Savior, Whose birth we are celebrating.


This summer, my daughter went to girls' camp. The stake leaders asked each ward to be a tribe, and to choose a name for their tribe that most fit their goals. Our ward chose to be "The Tribe of the Unashamed," taken from this quote:


"I am part of the fellowship of the unashamed. The die has been cast. I have stepped over the line. The decision has been made; I am a disciple of Jesus Christ. I won't look back, let up, slow down, or be still. My past is redeemed, my present makes sense, and my future is secure. I'm finished and done with low living, small planning, smooth knees, colorless dreams, tinted visions, worldly talking, cheap giving, and dwarfed goals. I no longer need preeminence, positions, promotions, plaudits, or popularity. I don't have to be right, first, recognized, praised, regarded, or rewarded. I now live by faith, lean on His presence, walk with patience, am lifted up in prayer, and labor with power. My face is set, my goal is heaven. My road is narrow, my way is rough, my companions few, my guide is reliable, my mission is clear. I cannot be bought, compromised, detoured, lured away, divided or delayed, will not flinch in the face of sacrifice, hesitate in the presence of the adversary, negotiate at the table with the enemy, ponder at the pool of popularity, or meander in the maze of mediocrity. I won't give up, shut up, or let up until I have stayed up, stored up, and paid up for the case of Christ. I must go till He comes, give till I drop, preach till all know, and work till He stops me and when He returns for His own, He will have no problem recognizing me.” - Author Unknown, quoted by Elder Henry B. Eyring

When I first heard this quote, a thrill shot through me and enlivened me. We live in a time where it's so easy to ride the fence, to keep our beliefs a little quiet, not to call attention to ourselves. Peer pressure is stronger than ever before, and where we used to think of it as a teenage thing, it's something we face no matter what age we are. I was so glad that my daughter got to spend a whole week learning what it means to believe fully, whole-heartedly, and then to not be ashamed of those beliefs.

Today I had the opportunity to do some reading about the Prophet Joseph Smith. It absolutely never fails - the Spirit always testifies to me that he was truly a prophet of God, that the words he taught us are true, and that he died as a martyr to seal up his testimony of Heavenly Father's plan. I've had the chance to walk the streets of Nauvoo and sense what it would have been like to be there during Joseph's time, and felt the incredible power associated with a group of Saints, living together in harmony under the leadership of an inspired prophet. I dearly love the Prophet Joseph Smith, and I can't express enough how grateful I am to have the testimony of him that I have.

I'm so grateful to be led by a modern prophet today. Thomas S. Monson is a very familiar face to me, having held many key church positions throughout my lifetime. I know he comes to us at this time having been prepared by God for many years for this role, and I look at him with absolute faith and confidence that he will lead us in the ways God wants us led.

I am also deeply grateful for the knowledge I have that our Heavenly Father is truly watching over us with love and concern, and that He wants us to return to Him in His kingdom someday. I can't measure the gratitude I feel when I think about the Atonement of Jesus Christ and the sacrifices made by both Father and Son to bring about that incredible blessing in our lives, if we will but just accept it. I have felt the comfort and the forgiveness and the assurance of the Lord in my life so many times, and I depend on it like nothing else.

I echo the sentiment expressed above: "The decision has been made; I am a disciple of Jesus Christ. I won't look back, let up, slow down, or be still." I also echo the scripture found in Romans 1:16: "For I am not ashamed of the gospel of Christ."

How could I ever be ashamed of something I believe with all my heart?

Merry Christmas to you all, and may each of us use this time to become even more fully committed to those things we have said we will do. 

The Man Who Hated Christmas

Many families have traditions they carry out at Christmas, mine included. One involves reading scriptures, singing carols, and reading Christmas stories nightly for the twenty four eves leading up to the day we celebrate the Savior's birth.

One of my favorite stories is called "The Man Who Hated Christmas". 

Yes, that seems an odd choice at first given the season but let me explain. You see the man in the story doesn't hate the true meaning of Christmas, In fact, it's because of his high regard for the Christ child that he is saddened by the commercialism that has become associated with the holiday season. 

His wife is kind of like me, stumped for a really meaningful gift to give her husband for Christmas. Attending one of their son's wrestling match against an inner city team, he remarks how disheartened he is to see the poor boys without helmets or shoes.  

Inspiration strikes the wife and that year she foregoes getting him the usual sweater and tie and instead makes an anonymous donation of helmets and shoes to the inner city boys wrestling team. She places her gift on the tree in an envelope and on Christmas day her husband is delighted with his 'gift'.  So begins a tradition in their family.

As I rushed about stores this morning, mainly grocery shopping, I constantly held back tears, feeling overwhelmed with all I still have to do to be ready to celebrate Christmas. The shopping is done, the wrapping is begun, and all I really have left is to make and deliver treats for the neighbors. Most of my current to do list is unassociated with Christmas at this point. 

So, why the Christmas blues? 

The dread of disappointment of others. 

I'm not one who shows her love by gift giving. What if those I love and care about are unhappy with their presents? What if they are the types that receive love through gifts? How can I ever measure up? My intentions are good, but my execution is lacking. 

Honestly, I'd like to be like the man in the story. Skip my presents and do some good in the world and let me do the same for you. Wouldn't that fit in more with what the Savior taught? What he came here to do? Why we celebrate his birth?  

So, next year, make a charitable donation, put a pair of cozy socks and a bag of peppermint bark in my stocking, and I'd call that a good Christmas. 

What would you do to make your Christmas more Christlike? 

Tristi's Christmas Tips

It's almost Thanksgiving, which means that we'll be leaping into the Christmas season before we even know it. Sometimes things get so crazy around Christmas that it's difficult to relax and concentrate on all the real joys of the season. I'd like to share some little things I do that help keep things somewhat - note, I said somewhat - more organized and peaceful during this chaotic time of year.

1. Instead of having one wild, crazy present-wrapping day (or middle of the night), wrap the gifts as you purchase them. That way, you're only wrapping a portion of your gifts at a time - unless you've got mad skills and get 100% of your shopping done in one trip.

2. Make a list or chart or spreadsheet of what you've gotten for each person. That way, you can be sure at a glance that you didn't get Johnny three presents while Betsy only got one. I used to drag everything out and count it over a million times to make sure things were even, and now I just consult my list. Plus, having a list goes well with wrapping everything as soon as I buy it - even though they're wrapped and I can't see them, I know what's in them, so I don't have to worry about that.

3. Let each child choose their own pattern of wrapping paper so that there's no confusion over which gift is whose. They see their paper, they know that's their present.

4. If you have children who like to peel back the wrapping and peek at their presents before the big day, keep the gifts out of sight until Christmas morning instead of putting them under the tree. We started doing this when I had toddlers who couldn't understand the concept of "no touch," and I liked it so well we keep doing it.

5. Place each child's gifts in their own spot rather than mixing them up. Again, it solves present confusion and takes care of chaos. Because I don't bring gifts out until Christmas morning, what I do is create little piles on the couch and love seat, one pile for each child, and then I put their sock on top of the pile as a marker of what belongs to which kid.

6. Keep in mind that the most meaningful gifts are often not the most expensive. You don't have to spend a lot of money to touch someone's heart. Get them something that represents what they mean to you, or reminds you both of a fun experience you had together. Listen to them when they talk and remember little things that they say about their likes and dislikes. My favorite gifts ever are when someone says, "I remembered how one day you were talking about ..." That shows me that I matter to them, I have their attention, and they care enough about me to remember my saying that I liked something.

7. Ask your family members which Christmas traditions mean the most to them, and dump the ones that haven't seemed to create an impact. You never know what might be an important part of Christmas to someone. Our artificial tree is starting to become a problem child. I got it the day after Christmas about sixteen years ago. I paid ten dollars for it (how's that for awesome?) and we've lost some branches. I made the comment while putting it up a couple of years ago that we'd look into getting a new one next Christmas. My kids immediately began to protest. "Mom, this is one of my favorite parts of Christmas," my teenage son told me. "I love helping put together the tree and finding all the pieces." Huh. Who knew? On the other hand, I've been spending time on traditions that probably don't even matter. Cut it back to the events that are creating the most positive memories.

8. Find someone to help. Between the shopping and the wrapping and the parties, it's so easy to get overwhelmed and lose sight of why we do this in the first place. Look around and find someone you can help. Whether it's pushing their car out of the snow or slipping a twenty into their mailbox or taking over a sack of toys, whether it's inviting a lonely person to share Christmas dinner or shoveling someone's walk - find a way to be a blessing in someone else's life. That is the best and most sure way to feel the Christmas spirit. It seems that every year, I struggle to find the joy in the season until I go a little out of my comfort zone and help someone who's worse off than I am. Not only will this keep you focused, but it will set a great example for your kids.

Okay, now, back to your Thanksgiving preparations.  :)  Have a safe and joyous holiday, and may your turkey be moist and your rolls flaky!

A Whole New Perspective on Christmas

I grew up with the iconic image in my head of Mary riding a donkey to Bethlehem and then giving birth to the Christ Child in a stable, surrounded by animals and streams of heavenly light. I knew the story really well and read it every Christmas Eve with my family. But it was December of 1998 that brought it all to life for me.

My first child was a little girl, a tiny little pixie child who now, at the age of seventeen, is still just over five foot tall, which drives her insane. She was always quiet, always picked up her toys - she really never gave me any fits at all.

In December of 1998, though, I was pregnant with a colt. Or a calf. I'm not sure which. But it easily could have been both. I was being kicked and pummeled and kicked some more until I was sure every rib I owned was broken. I was so, so puffy - I was doing the whole slip-on shoe thing because no regular shoe had been invented that could contain the amount of puff I was carrying. I discovered that year that I'm allergic to live Christmas trees, something that we didn't know until it was all set up and decorated in the corner of our living room and the insides of my nose were getting raw.

I had just entered into the stage of pregnancy I love best - the part where I go into a deep, deep depression and I'm positive I will be pregnant forever. As in, the child is never coming out and my stomach is just going to grow and grow until it completely takes me over. You really don't want to come near me during that last week or two of pregnancy. I can kill people. With my bare hands and the power of my gaze.

I was sitting on the couch, sniffling (because of the Christmas tree) and feeling sorry for myself (because I was never, ever going to have that baby and I'd be pregnant forever) while my daughter examined our little nativity scene. She was two and a half, and her whole little face was covered in awe as she named each of the pieces. "Wise man. Wise man. Wise man. Wise horse. Wise sheep. Wise pig." And as she sat there looking at the nativity, I looked at it too. Suddenly, I understood that story more clearly than I ever had before.

Mary rode a donkey to Bethlehem. 

Let me repeat myself. Mary, nine months pregnant, swollen and bloated, ready to go into labor, rode a donkey to Bethlehem. Pregnant. Donkey. 

Oh, wow.

This was Mary's first pregnancy, which means that her labor was probably longer, which means that the odds are good that she went into labor while she was on the donkey. Maybe the donkey ride sent her into labor. Regardless of how all that played out, she was very, very uncomfortable. More than I could even imagine - no one has asked me to ride a donkey ever, let alone while pregnant.

Mary had just traveled miles away from her home, and was giving birth without her mother. That would have been so hard. We don't know if there was a woman in the village who came to help, or if Joseph helped her, or if she delivered entirely by herself. Given the culture, I tend to think that Joseph didn't help her, but again, we don't know. Either way, the isolation of not having her mother or a good friend nearby must have been so hard to deal with.

And then ... it was a stable. With animals. And animal smells. And animal ... presents. Yeah. Smelly presents. 

When I looked at it from this perspective, understanding truly how hard it was for Mary to go through all that, all alone (Okay, she had Joseph, but let's be honest. Men can't understand what it's like. They can try, but they can't do it. It's not possible.) I began to think about Christ's birth from a totally different perspective. I also regarded my pregnancy differently. I wasn't riding on the back of a donkey - I was sitting on a couch. I wasn't having to deal with animals and their little surprises while trying to bring a baby into the world. I was so, so blessed to have the things I did.

And then, on December 9th, when I brought forth my firstborn son and wrapped him in a receiving blanket, I felt the joy and the wonder and the love that every mother, Mary included, feels when they look into the hazy eyes of their baby. There might not have been choirs of angels and adoring shepherds, but I felt guardian angels welcoming this new little one to the world.

We will never understand everything Mary went through. I can't even begin to imagine what it would be like to bring a child into the world knowing that he was destined to die for all mankind and then to rise again. Her experiences are something that the rest of us will never know firsthand. But we are united with Mary, as we are with every other woman who has ever had a child. We know those feelings of joy and wonder. We know what it's like to hold our baby for hours and watch every breath and every flutter of every eyelash. We know what it's like to ponder that child's future and wonder what lies in store for them. Mothers everywhere are united in our sorrows and in our joys.

Christmas of 1998 was the Christmas I came to know Mary. What a beautiful gift that was to me that holiday season. 

Twelve Days of Christmas

by H. Linn Murphy

My family has had a storied past with the Twelve Day's of Christmas. It's 12 days worth of small little gifts mainly to show the recipient that someone is thinking about them. We love it because doing it gives us a chance to step outside ourselves at a time when selfishness can run rampant. Kids actually go ga-ga over being the runners. Ours used to fight over who got to carry the gift and who got to ring the bell.

I lived in Oregon for a year or two after high school. My parents had a home there for eight years. Everyone knew them. And let's just say my mom is very outgoing. We had a different family over for scones every single Sunday when we first moved up there. Mom's friends ranged across a broad spectrum, from little old widow ladies and homeless people to a Romanian man who taught Mr. Steinway's son how to build pianos.

After some years, they moved down to sunny Arizona, leaving my sister and I to clear up loose ends. One of those ends happened to be Patricia, one of Mom's widow friends. We knew she was desperately lonely, so L and I decided to do the Twelve Days of Christmas for her. We went down and bought things we figured a lady in her situation would like and could use: fruit, fluffy slippers, cans of soup, a back scratcher, and Bing Crosby Christmas music to name a few.

Every day, starting the 13th of December we'd sneak over and take turns dropping off a gift at her door, ring the doorbell, and bail. The other would hide and watch the door if they could. Often there wasn't anybody home, so we'd have a nice leisurely jaunt to the car.

One day nearly at the end of those twelve days L dropped something and dinged and ran back to me. Just as she dove behind the bush I was occupying, the door opened. A youngish pregnant woman bent down and picked up the gift. In a loud voice she said, "I don't know who you are, but Patricia moved. You should come get the gifts we didn't already eat." L and I sheepishly retrieved the inedible presents, vowing to call Mom and find out where our target moved.

And here we thought we'd been so sneaky. That's half the fun, though. And if you can see their face, it's all the payment you need. Most of the time we try so hard not to get caught that we don't have the opportunity to watch. Still, we can be assured that at least one corner of the world got a little brighter that Christmas.

So now I've got to go put the rest of the groceries away and stash that little box of orange Jello my new target said she liked in my bag o' 12 Days stuff.

You have two days to plan yours, Ladies. Or you did when I wrote this. Now you're a little late, but nobody dictates whether you can spread the cheer after the frenetic holidays are over and everybody's kicking back like a portly lady taking off her girdle. And by the way, you don't have to wear a suit. In fact, we favor ninja clothes.

What is Christmas?

The other day we put up decorations for Christmas. I was so excited to see the lights go up and all the little decorations come out of their boxes. One of the things I collect are nativity scenes, so I arranged them all on the shelf by the door. My family has another tradition of placing a small nativity in the center of the tree to remind us that Christmas is really about the birth of Jesus Christ.

Over the years I thought I'd been doing a great job stressing the true meaning of Christmas, but it seems I dropped the ball with my littlest. I buy window decals for the little ones to stick in all the windows so that they feel like part of the decorating team. This year I was excited to find a nativity scene. While my littlest put up the other decals, I worked on placing the nativity high up in the window so that it could be seen by those outside. When we were done I stepped back to admire my work. My son came up behind me and said, "That doesn't look very Christmasy."

Oh the horror! I asked him why we celebrate Christmas, and he knew the answer, phew. Then he added, but it doesn't have Santa or snowmen or lights to make it look Christmasy. I think he sees Christmas as two events that happen on the same day. I have some work to do. - Dorine

Christmas is Love

The First Presidency Devotionals are a wonderful jump start to the Christmas season. The music and warm messages of love from our Church leaders help me focus on what is most important during this season of remembering the birth of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. 

“True happiness comes only by making others happy. … The spirit of Christmas … makes our hearts glow in brotherly love and friendship and prompts us to kind deeds of service.” (quote from President David O. McKay). Love is essential in giving and receiving.  

President Thomas S. Monson said: "There is no better time than now, this very Christmas season, for all of us to rededicate ourselves to the principles taught by Jesus the Christ. It is the time to love the Lord, our God, with all our heart—and our neighbors as ourselves. It is well to remember that he who gives money gives much; he who gives time gives more; but he who gives of himself gives all."

President Henry B. Eyring testified that Jesus Christ was the literal Son of God and the Savior of the world. He was the perfect gift from our loving Father.

President Dieter F. Uchtdorf  spoke about being a grateful receiver: "At Christmastime we talk a lot about giving, and we all know that 'it is more blessed to give than to receive,' but I wonder if sometimes we disregard or even disparage the importance of being a good receiver." On this Christmas Eve I pray that we all will be grateful receivers with loving hearts for each gift that we receive on Christmas day and throughout the coming year.