Gifts to Self

It's that time of year. I am making lists and checking them twice--and I'll bet you are, too. Finding the perfect gift for someone can be joyful or stressful, depending on the situation. My lists overwhelm me at times, but I remind myself that I always get through them by December 25th. Even if I have to stay up late on Christmas Eve, everything eventually gets wrapped and tagged and put under the tree. And then, the next morning, all the sacrifices and work are worth it. 

I'd like to suggest a gift we can all give ourselves--the gift of keeping our commitments. I'm not talking about promises to spouses or children, or responsibilities at work or church or in the community. I'm referring to the promises we make to ourselves.

With the New Year coming, we may be thinking about resolutions we want to make, changes we'd like to see in our lives. I like to think of those prayerful, mindful changes as gifts I'm giving myself. Why? Because it's a way to not let them get lost in the shuffle of all the other things going on in my life. But more important, it's a way to increase my integrity. 

When I get up early so that I can do yoga, I'm giving myself health. When I turn off the internet and face that scary blank page in my work-in-progress, I'm giving myself creativity. And any time I keep a promise I've made to myself--no matter how big or small--I give myself honesty and self-respect. 

Our lives are fluid and infinitely changeable. Challenges crop up; emergencies arise. Some days, we absolutely have to let things fall by the wayside so that we can save dinner or a deadline or a child's health or our own sanity. But let's guard against letting excuses gradually take us away from those precious commitments we've made to better ourselves. 

Remember--studies have shown that we each have a finite amount of self-control every day. We only have so much to spread between all those changes we'd like to see, so choose your resolutions strategically. Make your new commitments small at first; they can grow over time as they become ingrained habits, and then you can turn your self-control to other things. Little successes will become great things in less time than you think.

Remember this, too--the pain of self-discipline is far milder than the pain of regret. (I chant that to myself often as the alarm clock sounds or distractions sing their siren song.) 

So in the few days left until we celebrate Christmas and then ring in 2013, spend some time pondering what gifts you'll give yourself in the New Year. Then do your best to receive them--make them a part of you and your routine. I promise you: this time next year, all the sacrifices and work will be worth it. 

Insulation vs. Padded Cell

The awe-inspiring ladies of my American Night Writers chapter, the Skyline Scribblers, have a saying. Friends don’t let friends publish junk.

I desperately hope they live this credo because I rely rather heavily on their input regarding my various WIP. And while I am eager to take their constructive critiques, I am also a sensitive soul. I cry at sappy love songs, romantic comedies, epic drama, Hallmark commercials, puppies, this list of things that make me cry . . . you get the idea. I don't have television because I don't want to watch the news. And though I get the Washington Post to my inbox each day as an affirmation that I am an informed individual, truth be told, most of the time I just delete it without reading a single word because I know the heartache and depression that are awaiting in the headlines. I tell myself that I am insulating myself from things that don’t really matter to my immediate reality, but I often wonder if that buffer is just the intellectual equivelant of sticking my fingers in my ears and singing Mary Had a Little Lamb.

I am nearing a place in my writing career where I have to either start putting things out into the world for agents and editors to say, "NO!" or acknowledge that this is just a fun hobby I do when I am bored. I'm not sure that my tender little heart can take something as crushing as a rejection letter, but I have seen the photos of mountains made out of letters collected over the years from really fantastic writers. I know it is part of the journey, the initial and potentially never ending hurdles between where I am and my dream come true. So where is the line? Where is the place where you stop being cautious and self-nurturing, and become the ostrich with your head buried in the sand while everyone stands around staring at your backside?

I was listening to a fantastic webinar by James Scott Bell last week and one of the listeners asked a rather remarkable question. She wanted to know, after amassing a stack of rejections some of which had be less than complimentary, when do you give up? Mr. Bell verbally dog paddled for a moment or two and then said (to paraphrase), "You have to answer the question, 'Are you a writer?' Then decide that this is something you are going to do for the rest of your life regardless of whether or not you get published."

I wanted to latch onto this idea so hard and just never let go. How freeing right? "I am a writer because I like to write and it never matters if I ever get published because this is who I am and what I do!" It sounds so great. But what if it is just more padding on the rubber room? What if I am sending junk out into the world and the reason for the forthcoming no’s is that I am just not good? What if I am deluding myself by holding fast to the belief that I am a writer, when really I should be doing other things?

I can’t imagine that I am alone in tackling this particular gremlin. So what helps you along in your creative pursuits, silver linings or the cold rain of reality?

Anika Arrington Necessary Nurture

Have you ever been baking cookies and forgotten an ingredient? Maybe you got distracted and left out the baking powder. At first you didn't notice anything missing and maybe it didn't even seem to matter- at first. When you finally discovered that something wasn't right, perhaps you laughed it off but you didn't feel the same about that batch of cookies because it wasn't what it was supposed to be.

Sometimes those tiny ingredients are easy to forget and don't seem as important because it only takes a teaspoon, sometimes less to get the desired effect.  It is much harder to forget something like flour or butter.  You need so much that it is immediately obvious when they are not there. 

Holidays (and everydays for that matter) can be like a batch of cookies- at least at my house.  The bulk (flour and butter) of our time is caught up in the normal busy day to day combined with decorating, shopping, baking, and attending or performing in myriad concerts, and occasionally some of our vital ingredients (baking powder) are forgotten like scripture study.  Like the cookies, it isn't immediately obvious what was missing  but something is not quite right.  This can make the holiday seem like less than it should.

Fortunately, even if we mess up one day, we have the opportunity to try again the next.  It is amazing how just a few minutes given to scripture study can make all the difference in how we feel about and experience our days, and our holidays. It is like our baking powder and cinnamon providing  leavening and just the right flavor.    

Writing, too is like a batch of cookies.  Do we get so caught up in the bulk of the story and getting it done that we neglect important ingredients?  Do we have our research, build our structure, have the whole grand scheme laid out and forget to ask for guidance?  The words we write will influence those who read them. That is the point, right?  If we have our butter, eggs and vanilla all creamed together, and our dry ingredients mixed and waiting to add and we overlook the most important ingredient, the sweetener, we have wasted our time. What good is a sweet without the sweet?  

We have the desire and gift to create with words. God gave us this desire and gift and would like to make our efforts all that they are meant to be.  We just need to make sure to add the sweetness of His inspiration.    

The quality of our cookies, our days, our holidays and our writings depends on us getting all the right ingredients mixed in, not adding in too many ingredients and avoiding the ones that might ruin them (like anchovies).  I wish you all a Christmas holiday season that is all it is meant to be with all the right ingredients, the sweetness of Heavenly Father's inspiration and no anchovies.

Let Go of the Cookie Cutter Christmas

December begins, and so do the dreaded words, “Are you ready for Christmas?”

Relax. What hasn’t been done so far probably wasn’t that crucial. And what remains that is vital can be done more happily with a few of the following ideas.

Savor the Season. Slow down, today, even right now. Delight in the simple pleasures—sparkling lights, annoyingly familiar carols, the fifth plate of gift cookies. These come once a year and remind us to celebrate the season. Appreciate the unexpected and perhaps undesired. Janene Wolsey Baadsgaard shares in Families Who Laugh…Last that one year she found her young daughter in the bathroom in the midst of hundreds of white paper pieces literally everywhere. Confused and in mother mode, Janene told her daughter to clean up the mess. Later, Janene understood after receiving a special Christmas gift—a homemade snow globe.

Can anyone say “mother guilt”?

So rejoice in what comes your way daily, especially the plentiful opportunities to lift someone's load. The other day while at breakfast with a friend we noticed a lady leaning on a walker. We offered to help with her packages and she accepted. In those few minutes I felt a tangible joy from simply being available to help another. These are the experiences that make Christmas fulfilling.

Don't force the celebration. So the cookies burned, or the person bringing the main dish didn't get the message. Live the dream anyway!  Let down and be part of the experience without choreographing a superficially successful one. My husband and I host a company party at Christmas time. Because some of his floor installation crews speak a limited amount of English, I’ve worried about everyone enjoying the evening. However, this year I promised myself to stop stressing and just enjoy the people, even if it meant some awkward silence. And it was amazing. I was able to talk with a woman who had suffered polio as a child and now walked with a crutch. She also volunteered for several organizations and was studying filmmaking at school. Currently, a few of her documentary films on homelessness and domestic violence were being shown in homeless shelters. What a fabulous connection we enjoyed. So let go of being the Stressed Out Happy Fairy (i.e., “Is everybody happy?”) and instead, be in the moment. 

Give people the benefit of the doubt. Watching the play "A Christmas Carol" with my son, I thought of a recent comment on the story. That even though Scrooge had had a change of heart—as incredible as it was—the other people in his life didn't know about the change of heart and still chose to frankly forgive him. The Cratchett's, Scrooge’s nephew and wife, had no idea of the three life-changing visits, but they welcomed his change with open arms.

           

We can do that, too. Even when a family member hasn't experienced a “mighty change of heart,” that's okay. We can still let go of being irked at their choices and choose to love them for this season. Instead of becoming angry this year, try a quick smile or change the conversation. Or plan ahead for predictable choices (i.e. Uncle Bob is always late, Aunt Midge is typically bossy). We can let Aunt Midge decorate the table as she likes—what does it matter in the long run? Just for now, we can open our arms and hearts without pre-conceived prejudices, and simply let people be.

As Christmas Day approaches, let’s give ourselves permission to let go of the cookie cutter Christmas. Instead, revel in the carols, sample the baked goods, and appreciate the unexpected but profound before us.

For FREE Simplify & Savor the Season podcasts, go here http://8basics.com/store/podcasts/free-podcast-simplify-and-savor-the-season-tip-1 or to http://8basics.com/store/podcasts. Scroll down to receive all four podcasts.

The Promise of His Birth

I recently watched an interview of one of my favorite authors, Barbara Kingsolver, and among all of her many quotable gems came this one in the middle of a discussion about revision:

The first sentence makes a promise the rest of the book will keep. The first paragraph enlarges that promise.

If we think about the entry of Jesus Christ into this teeming world of humanity in that way, what did the elements of his entry--the first sentence and paragraph of his life, so to speak--promise the viewer at that time, and the reader in our time?

A humble event in a tucked away corner of the world promised greatness to come, for all good stories show a wonderful character arc and what could be more of a change than a babe wrapped in poor rags ascending to the right hand of God?

A beaming new star promised sights never before seen, and indeed, Christ went on to perform miracles that were unimaginable--feeding thousands from a few fish, a small amount of bread, and a little wine; healing lepers, the blind, the crippled, the possessed at a single touch or word; and even raising the dead. 

Angelic choirs promised heavenly sounds never before heard, and how else would you describe the parables and teachings that followed? So many of God's children had turned a deaf ear to His call until Christ came. His voice opened the ears of the deaf so that they could, once again, sense the celestial music of truth.

Humble shepherds promised a multitude of followers and disciples, not the least of which would be the apostles He, Himself would select in order to organize His kingdom on earth.

Wise men promised the wealth of the earth laid at his feet--by rich men willing to give it all up for the pearl of great price . . . and by Satan, anxious to stop His ministry before it had hardly begun.

And a wicked king intent on destroying any and all possible heirs to his throne promised other rulers--rulers who would, in the end, see Him hung upon a cross in order to do away with the meddlesome rabble rouser. 

Little did they know that by killing Him, they would give birth to His story's sequel. 

And so, as in all great literature, the promise continues.

I wish you all peace, love, and joy as we enter into this Christmas season. May we keep His promise alive.

November A Month of Gratitude

For my first blog post on Mommy Authors I will list the things I am thankful for. Huge blessings come every day and I will never be able to express enough gratitude for the Lord's tender care.

 #1 I am grateful my daughter Serena found a new Neuro Oncologist whose philosophy and practice is integrative and include Naturopathic, holistic methods of treatment that blends with the therapy and supplements she has already been on since the beginning of her diagnosis with cancer: a Stage III astrocytoma-glioma (brain tumor)

#2 I am grateful that my son and his family were untouched by hurricane Sandy as they live in New York. 

#3 I am thankful for so many authors who support Writers Unite to Fight Cancer and came to the book event  to help raise money for my daughter's cancer treatment. We have so many new friends and feel surrounding by loving support.

#4 I am glad to have the Sabbath Day to reflect on the life of Jesus Christ and his infinite atonement. I am happy to live in these latter days when the gospel is available in its fullness.

#5  I appreciate a car that runs so I go visit my daughter from time to time and go other places I need to be. 

#6 I am thankful to live in this wonderful free country where we are allowed to vote and choose our leaders.

#7 I'm thankful for my sweet little companion - Pepito, my 4 pound teacup chihuahua.

#8 I love my immediate and extended family members who are so kind and supportive of one another.

#9 I am blessed with an intact apartment when I arrive home - a sturdy roof over my head.

#10 I am grateful for independent bookstores who allow Indy authors to hold fundraising and signing events. 

#11 I am thankful for all the men and women who have sacrificed to serve our country and keep it the land of the free, as well as assist others throughout the world in need of protection.

#12 Technology is wonderful. I'm so glad I can see and speak with my granddaughters that live clear across the united states using computer applications. I miss them so much, and being able to stay in touch is the next best thing to being there.

#13 I am grateful for freedom of speech. I can say and write those things I am passionate about without censure.

#14 Music is the breath of life - I love music. I am glad I can sing, play, listen, and participate with others in making a joyful noise. I am grateful for composers over the ages that had scribed melodious renditions. 

#15 I am awed by natures harmonious gifts every day - the songs of birds, the babble of brooks, the patter of rain, peace. 

#16 I am thankful for temples and that I have the privilege to attend one so close by. I am grateful for sealing power so that Families Can Be Together Forever.

#17 I am grateful for kind and helpful friends and neighbors.

#18 I am thankful for advanced technology that allowed and continues to support my brother, Jan before and after his heart transplant.

#19 I am thankful for my brother Eldon and his super wife Carol who live near my mother and bless her life with grandchildren to visit and priesthood when needed.

#20 I am relieved and blessed that my sister Maria lives with and takes care of my mother.

#21 I love my sister, Nella and am glad her daughter is happily married in the temple with a child and her son is faithfully serving a mission in Washington state. She is an example to other single mothers.

#22 I am thankful that we as a nation take a day to celebrate our bounty and remember from where it comes. Happy Thanksgiving!

#23 I am grateful for being raised in the church by good parents who taught me so many needful things including a love for music, a love for reading, a love for education, a love for farming, a love of preparedness, a love of genealogy.  I miss my father since he passed away, but know he is watching over all of his children and grandchildren from above.

#24 I am thankful for my favorite time of year - when the weather is mild and comfortable here in Mesa, Arizona.

#25 I am thankful for my brother, Brannick on his birthday. I am also thankful we can celebrate the birth of Christ in one month - God So Loved the World that He Gave His Only Begotten Son.

#26 I am grateful that Serena's partner Shannon is so loving, thought, talented and supportive.

#27 I am thankful that Laura is a stay-at-home mother who raises my granddaughters in the loving manner I wish I could have done for my children. She is the best wife for Kevin, talented and supportive. She comes from a great family who are the in-laws you dream for.

#28 I am grateful for the rule of law. I am also thankful for the right to dispute photo radar pictures.

#29 I am thankful for this season of the year when hearts are softened and people are more charitable. I am also grateful for those who serve others every day of the year whether it's Christmas, Thanksgiving, Easter, or just another day we are able to breathe upon the earth God created for us.

#30 TGIF.  This comes once a week - 52 times a year. Yeah!

I hope that all of us will take time to thank our Father in Heaven for our numerous blessings. 

Sincerely,

Margaret Larsen Turley, Administrator of Writers Unite to Fight Cancer (all published authors are invited to join.)

http://writersunitetofightcancer.com  Blogs: http://margaretlarsen.com/blog, http://margaretturley.com/blog

Thanks

So it's November and tomorrow is Thanksgiving. I think November is one of those months that gets mowed over in our haste to buy everything for Christmas. The stores go straight from Halloween costumes for prostitots, to advertizing great Christmas buys you MUST have or die.

I feel badly for Thanksgiving. Maybe it's the generation (or I'm just getting old and un-cool) but people seem to feel as if they are entitled to everything. They lay claim to buildings not theirs by tagging. They line of for free healthcare, food, gifts and countless other gratis goodies. Their hands are out for free toys and easy money.

But where is the gratitude?

When you think about it, we have so MUCH! My children have never known a day of hunger they didn't choose to inflict on themselves. They get a free education clear up to high school and sometimes through college. We have not just one car, but a couple of them. (Granted they don't run well and need fixing, but they have gotten us where we needed to go.) We have a house which isn't cardboard and has running water, along with a flush toilet. We have time for facebook and hobbies. We have some of the best doctors and hospitals in the world. We have places of matchless beauty. We can worship how we will. We have the freedom to vote and to travel wherever we want to go, to bear arms, to speak freely, and to peaceably assemble. The blessings are endless.

Perhaps when we are being grumpy about the check book not lining up or that we have to wait in line at the checkout stand, we can think of those people who don't have any of these things. We can ponder what it's like to have to run a half a mile under gunfire to the phone to find out if a loved one made it out of surgery. We can thank God for making this fabulous world full of interesting mysteries, natural wonders full of peerless, beautiful, intricate detail, animals in prodigious varieties, and an ever-changing kaleidoscope of people and cultures.

It's time to look beyond ourselves and make life better for someone else. Instead of running down to the mall for the unbelievably early Black Friday sale (which they're now having on Thanksgiving...BOO!) go do something nice for someone else. Don't just say you're thankful for something and quit there. Show it. That is my goal for this Thanksgiving. I'm going to be thankful.
By Heidi Murphy