Showing posts with label children. Show all posts
Showing posts with label children. Show all posts

Monday, August 8, 2016

Goodbye, Horsegirl

Raffiki and Sierra (aka Horsegirl) in 2014, before she left on her mission
Next week, Horsegirl is leaving for college.

Horsegirl is my oldest daughter Sierra. She is 20 and just recently  returned from an LDS church mission. When she goes to college, she will board her 12 year old palomino quarter horse, Raffiki, fifteen minutes away from her apartment.

I haven’t called her Horsegirl in a long time, probably not since she was eight or so. And today, I am thinking of her and her horse craziness from long ago, and how much I’m gonna miss her.

That’s because I am staring at the beaming, happy faces of two eight year old girls who are enrolled in a horse camp that Sierra’s younger sister is putting on as a service trip fundraiser. They are best buddies, these girls, both horse crazy as they come. One of them says, “I have been wanting to ride on a horse by myself since I was four.”

I can believe that hyperbole, because I have seen that same devotion in Sierra who loved horses since she was old enough to read and collect chapter books. Her closet is a testament to her obsession. She owns an impressive amount of Breyer horse models and horse books – bought, bartered, gifted – collected over the years.

This craziness  probably would have peaked and dissipated had we not moved to Grantsville, a small town where icy patches form on irrigated alfalfa fields on cool spring mornings, where horses graze on property at the outer edges of town and where horse-crazy girls can still live their dreams.

= = =

Sierra wanted a horse riding party for her eighth birthday. We had just moved to Grantsville and didn’t know anyone who could oblige. Somehow, through someone who knew someone, I tracked down a lady fittingly named Susan Bale.

Like a parent looking for a rare toy around Christmas, I was desperate, ready to pay anything for this experience. She normally didn’t do this, she said, and rattled off a generously low amount, twenty-five dollars. I told her she had a deal. Giddily, I took Sierra and seven of her girlfriends to Susan’s property west of town. Susan lived on a sprawling place with several pens and a huge barn where she led Sierra and her friends past cats and old machinery to get the horses ready.

Susan turned to me, a complete novice at horses – well, I rode one once as a child, led around for fifteen minutes – and asked if I could help her. A relative who was supposed to come couldn’t.

So there I was helping get four horses get tacked up by girls who equally didn’t know what they were doing.  Susan, unfazed, explained what we needed to do, and somehow, none of the chattering, hyper girls got hurt. The girls rode two by two on each horse and it all came together without a hitch.

And then, Susan said the words that would forever change our lives, and is the reason I am now staring at the faces of the eight year olds on six acres of horse property – “Would you like to borrow a horse for 4-H?”

= = =

We thought Sierra's obsession would go the way of most obsessions of girls that age. Especially since borrowing a horse for a year wasn’t convenient nor easy. At shows, Sierra occasionally missed gate calls since Susan’s granddaughter needed the horse for another event. It took me a long highway ride  to take  Sierra down to practice on Susan’s property. But none of these fazed Sierra. She braided her hair and wore her jaunty thrift store cowgirl hat and jeans, took her place among kids most of whom wore fancy show clothes, and rode on.

It’s been quite a trail ride since.

Without the hubby who was out of town, I took her to look at the first horse we ended up buying. Wixie was a high-strung mare who was a handful for a novice, but somehow, we survived that first year. The next year, Sierra wrote an essay and won a two year old palomino colt. Which was super cool, except no one warned us how much work training a colt would be. A point driven home when this colt, Raffiki, bucked her off on the street, the impact of which broke her arm and tore her nerves.

But there were also lots of good memories.

Of Sierra getting back on Raffiki after a heart wrenching and painful recovery. Of Sierra winning more than a white ribbon in 4-H on temperamental Wixie and even winning blue, bareback on Raffiki. Of me accompanying Sierra in Kentucky for her 14th birthday  to attend Breyerfest. Of practices at the place where we boarded our growing herd of horses, with me watching horse and rider, thinking, they are beautiful.

= = =

Wixie died the year we finally took the leap and bought these six acres of horse property, where we are now hosting a horse camp. Sadly, we were still building then and she didn’t make it to our new place except on a Bobcat, so we could bury her in a grave in the back. We have buried two other horses since, imperfect horses who taxed our patience yet stole our hearts in the end.

That’s what horses do, if you let them.

I once believed, when Sierra was older, that she had gotten over her love of horses. She never once mentioned Raffiki in her letters home on her mission. But when she came home, she announced she would take Raffiki with her to college.

I’m glad. Sierra without a horse is like having a saddle without stirrups, incomplete. Horses formed Sierra’s character. I believe she is who she is today because she had to have the grit, courage,  mental toughness, and resilience  to work with horses over the years. Her heart expanded, learning  love from these gentle giants.

My own heart feels like an old, beat up lead rope – sad and frayed that Horsegirl is leaving. Luckily, she’s just a phone call away, a two-hour drive to a home-cooked meal, if she so chooses. But it’s not the same as having her home. I just realized, however, looking at these campers and their beaming faces, that Horsegirl’s legacy lives on.

I will feel her presence when I feed the horses these upcoming autumn evenings and smell that sharp sweet scent of hay. I will remember watching her ride for hours on end when her younger sister takes to the arena with her own young horse. I will understand when our campers grin from ear to ear as they ride.

I’m grateful that in college, Horsegirl will have Raffiki to keep her company after a hard day. She could burrow for comfort in the smoothness of his supple neck. And, in a valley surrounded by mountains, tinged a lovely blue in the deepening twilight, she could ride her cares away.

Jewel Allen is an award-winning journalist, author and ghostwriter. Visit her at www.jewelallen.com.

Monday, May 9, 2016

A race for time as my kids grow up

It's a little before seven in the morning, and I have this notion of running eight laps, or 3200 meters, on the local Grantsville High School track. Out of curiosity, you could say.

Just last week at a track meet, I cheered my 16 year old sophomore daughter on that blacktop, including the 3200 meter event. She’s trying to figure out how to beat her 12-minute time, and I suggested she improve her finish kick. “Mom,” she said, “you have no idea what it’s like.” She's right, of course. I only took up running as an adult. So today I am running the track to approximate her experience.

At lap two of eight, I’m thinking how hard it is to run this elliptical course, over and over, without relief from monotony. But the track is smooth, no pebbles to roll my ankles on, no vehicles to watch for. With my cell phone, I take a picture of the bleachers against a backdrop of snow-capped mountains.


At the sight of the bleachers, steeped with memories, my run becomes less of a race for time as it feels like a futile exercise – of trying to run back the clock on my kids growing up, graduating from high school, and moving on.

My 18 year old son will graduate from GHS in a few weeks. His main sports are soccer and cross country but he ran track, too, one season. He and his younger sister will have their own memories of this track. I have mine.

From these bleachers, I watched him run the 800 meter, straight from soccer practice like he had an endless supply of legs. I sat through rain and frigid wind, cheering on my children till I was hoarse. My husband held me back once to keep me from rushing the track when someone deliberately elbowed my daughter mid-race. I watched her fight back tears from taking second and, another time, beam from taking first.

Someday, my children will move on from high school, and I will only have those and other memories to hold on to.

I look up from the track. The parking lot is filling up fast. In a few minutes, school will be in full swing and I will feel even more of an interloper. I speed up to the final stretch of my eight laps, pretending like I have a killer finish kick. As I cross the line, it hurts and feels exhilarating all at the same time. Not just my legs, but in my heart.

My kids will continue to run laps around me – through graduation, missions, college, marriage. I can about stop them as one can avoid that visceral reaction to the gunshot at race start. As much as I say I want to stop time, I don’t really want to. They will have other races to run, with more to look forward to. And I will continue to watch them with hopeful heart and fierce pride, cheering them on until they cross the next finish line.

Thursday, March 17, 2016

Protecting Our Children Online

I recently attended a lecture titled: Innocence Stolen: Protecting Our Children Online by Vince DeVivo, the community outreach specialist for the US Attorney's Office in Maryland. 

It was well done, and a little terrifying. 

The point was how to protect teens/tweens from negative and criminal influences online, including but not limited to: social networks, cyber bullying, sexting, and internet predators (shudder).

Bottom line: YOU ARE YOUR OWN FIRST LINE OF DEFENSE!

Which means we have to teach our children to be their own first line of defense/advocate/champion. If we successfully teach them now, then hopefully they'll avoid many Internet pitfalls.

I took notes and you'll also see pictures of the handouts in this blog post. Use the information to protect your children. Don't trust anyone, including schools, to protect them as well as you will. Feel free to go ALL MAMA BEAR, without freaking out your child.

Fun Facts: 
94% of teens 12-19 use the Internet
84% have a social media profile
84% of teens access a cell phone
88% text
It only takes 20 minutes to track down an individual and their location on the Internet. Less if there's a pic.
Colleges check social media for digital footprints. Employers too. 1/3 of employers throw out applications once they check.


Internet Predators:
They are like hunters: they look for those on the fringe of the pack, the weak, the slow, etc. They use social media to attract your child. They shower them with attention, kindness, even gifts. They are sympathetic and good listeners who are up on the trends. This all takes place silently between them and your child on a screen. They eventually introduce sexual content. Their goal: Face to Face interaction!


About Gen Y & Gen Z
Unfortunately the GEN Y kids have a sense of entitlement and need a constant source of feedback for positive reinforcement and confidence. Their attitudes and values are shaped by the Internet.

The GEN Z kids are the most tech savvy generation ever. (Ever seen that two year old with mom's Iphone? That's what we're talking about.) No patience and are always on tech. They are at greatest risk for cyber bullying, ID theft, gang influence, and illegal activity. They also have no time to sort out the truth! They also link self esteem to "likes" and "followers."

They need to know what a REAL friend is!

Privacy Policies are a joke. They are there to protect the company when it sells your "digital footprint" info to third parties.


How to control:
Ask your Internet carrier what tools are available and how much they cost?
You can put on hidden protection
GPS function/mapping your kids phone
Remember, when you take a picture all the metadata goes with it
Kids don't like privacy settings. They see them as a restriction rather than a protection. (Much like family rules/God's commandments.)

To the RIGHT is a list of major phone carriers and how to restrict/protect your kids.

Fun facts:posting % of teens
Real names: 92%
Interests: 84%
DOB: 82%
Relationship status: 62%
Video: 24%
Only 9% are worried about 3rd party access.

Social Media in use:
Facebook: declining
Instagram: selfie central, trending middle school teens posting nude pics
Ask.fm: can ask anonymous questions they don't want to ask anyone else (60 million users, 12 teen suicides linked to usage so far)
Twitter
Vine: 6 sec video loops
Tinder: online dating for hooking up/one night stands. Use GPS location.
Tumblr: access porn
Whisper: share secrets, express yourself, meet others
Snap Chat: photos and videos that "disappear." Sued by FTC and on 20 year monitoring (but nothing has really changed). I've already seen teens use this one with disastrous results!
Kik: anonymous scrolling text
YikYak: social media + GPS location w/in 1/2 mile radius
Cydia: "jailbroken" phone. A hack system to allow download of 3rd party apps so user can hide inappropriate content. Bonus: Google can teach you how to do it. (AHH!)
Meerkat & Periscope: turns phone into live broadcast TV with location.
Backpage.com is a human trafficking/prostitution site. BEWARE!

Below is a screen shot of the social media kids are using.



Do your kids use these? Do you monitor their use?
I don't even recognize half of them! My personal rule for my kids is, when they get old enough, they can only have social media I'm on.

Text abbreviations you should be worried about if you see them on your kid's phone:

ASL    F2F     RU18     LMZRU     GNOC     420     AMEZFU

Some of these relate that an adult is listening/seeing what they text, others are codes for drug use, or sex invites.


Cyberbullying:
Defined as willful repeated harm inflicted through media. 24/7. Groups of kids work together to target an individual or group using e-mail or IM. Bullies show little to no remorse. They think they have to bully to be popular.

Signs of Bullying:
Sadness
Withdrawl
Bruises
Visits to the nurse
Lots of bathroom trips or No bathroom trips
Avoids school
Cutting
Suicide ideas/attempts

Sadly, our family has already been subject to this one and there are far too many media examples of teen/tween deaths tied to this behavior.

Sexting:
20-40% nude/seminude
22% girls, 18% boys
3x greater than in the past

If caught, kids lose: education, sports opportunities, etc. Inflicts emotional damage.
If you get one, don't delete it. Report it to a trusted adult so it can be taken care of. Then DELETE!


Golden Rules:
If you don't want everyone to see it, DON'T post it!!!
Once you send it you can't take it back!
Real life applies online.
Don't talk to strangers.
Don't give out private info.
Permission should be required to be online.
NOTHING is PRIVATE on the INTERNET!!!
There is no such thing as PERMANENT DELETION!
Postings are FOREVER!!!
Nothing is FREE!
Find the GOOD online. 

Below are more tips.























Discuss the following with your kids:
What is inappropriate on the Internet?
What happens when you hit inappropriate content?
What do you do?
Can you talk to me (parent) about anything inappropriate you happen to see? Why or Why not?




The Internet can be used for both bad and good. Help protect your children from the bad. Show them how it can be used for making the world a better place.

What have you done to teach your kids Internet safety?


Thursday, June 12, 2014

Leaving the Nest


The time is finally here. My eldest child has graduated from High School and is preparing to head off to college. I can't believe this time is here. My baby all grown and setting off into the world. I think I'm more excited than she is. I look through the course catalog thinking of all the cool classes to take. I signed her up for her dorm right at midnight when registration opened. I even took her clothes shopping for 3 hours for new outfits. I had the best time. She just rolls her eyes at me when I tell her she is going to have the best time of her life.

I'm trying not to think what life will be like with my big girl is out-of-state and far away, but somehow I think it will come crashing into reality the day she head off. Those of you who have gone through letting the first child out into the world, do you have any advice?