Protecting Our Children Online

I recently attended a lecture titled: Innocence Stolen: Protecting Our Children Online by Vince DeVivo, the community outreach specialist for the US Attorney's Office in Maryland. 

It was well done, and a little terrifying. 

The point was how to protect teens/tweens from negative and criminal influences online, including but not limited to: social networks, cyber bullying, sexting, and internet predators (shudder).

Bottom line: YOU ARE YOUR OWN FIRST LINE OF DEFENSE!

Which means we have to teach our children to be their own first line of defense/advocate/champion. If we successfully teach them now, then hopefully they'll avoid many Internet pitfalls.

I took notes and you'll also see pictures of the handouts in this blog post. Use the information to protect your children. Don't trust anyone, including schools, to protect them as well as you will. Feel free to go ALL MAMA BEAR, without freaking out your child.

Fun Facts: 
94% of teens 12-19 use the Internet
84% have a social media profile
84% of teens access a cell phone
88% text
It only takes 20 minutes to track down an individual and their location on the Internet. Less if there's a pic.
Colleges check social media for digital footprints. Employers too. 1/3 of employers throw out applications once they check.


Internet Predators:
They are like hunters: they look for those on the fringe of the pack, the weak, the slow, etc. They use social media to attract your child. They shower them with attention, kindness, even gifts. They are sympathetic and good listeners who are up on the trends. This all takes place silently between them and your child on a screen. They eventually introduce sexual content. Their goal: Face to Face interaction!


About Gen Y & Gen Z
Unfortunately the GEN Y kids have a sense of entitlement and need a constant source of feedback for positive reinforcement and confidence. Their attitudes and values are shaped by the Internet.

The GEN Z kids are the most tech savvy generation ever. (Ever seen that two year old with mom's Iphone? That's what we're talking about.) No patience and are always on tech. They are at greatest risk for cyber bullying, ID theft, gang influence, and illegal activity. They also have no time to sort out the truth! They also link self esteem to "likes" and "followers."

They need to know what a REAL friend is!

Privacy Policies are a joke. They are there to protect the company when it sells your "digital footprint" info to third parties.

How to control:
Ask your Internet carrier what tools are available and how much they cost?
You can put on hidden protection
GPS function/mapping your kids phone
Remember, when you take a picture all the metadata goes with it
Kids don't like privacy settings. They see them as a restriction rather than a protection. (Much like family rules/God's commandments.)

To the RIGHT is a list of major phone carriers and how to restrict/protect your kids.

Fun facts:posting % of teens
Real names: 92%
Interests: 84%
DOB: 82%
Relationship status: 62%
Video: 24%
Only 9% are worried about 3rd party access.

Social Media in use:
Facebook: declining
Instagram: selfie central, trending middle school teens posting nude pics
Ask.fm: can ask anonymous questions they don't want to ask anyone else (60 million users, 12 teen suicides linked to usage so far)
Twitter
Vine: 6 sec video loops
Tinder: online dating for hooking up/one night stands. Use GPS location.
Tumblr: access porn
Whisper: share secrets, express yourself, meet others
Snap Chat: photos and videos that "disappear." Sued by FTC and on 20 year monitoring (but nothing has really changed). I've already seen teens use this one with disastrous results!
Kik: anonymous scrolling text
YikYak: social media + GPS location w/in 1/2 mile radius
Cydia: "jailbroken" phone. A hack system to allow download of 3rd party apps so user can hide inappropriate content. Bonus: Google can teach you how to do it. (AHH!)
Meerkat & Periscope: turns phone into live broadcast TV with location.
Backpage.com is a human trafficking/prostitution site. BEWARE!

Below is a screen shot of the social media kids are using.

Do your kids use these? Do you monitor their use?
I don't even recognize half of them! My personal rule for my kids is, when they get old enough, they can only have social media I'm on.

Text abbreviations you should be worried about if you see them on your kid's phone:

ASL    F2F     RU18     LMZRU     GNOC     420     AMEZFU

Some of these relate that an adult is listening/seeing what they text, others are codes for drug use, or sex invites.


Cyberbullying:
Defined as willful repeated harm inflicted through media. 24/7. Groups of kids work together to target an individual or group using e-mail or IM. Bullies show little to no remorse. They think they have to bully to be popular.

Signs of Bullying:
Sadness
Withdrawl
Bruises
Visits to the nurse
Lots of bathroom trips or No bathroom trips
Avoids school
Cutting
Suicide ideas/attempts

Sadly, our family has already been subject to this one and there are far too many media examples of teen/tween deaths tied to this behavior.

Sexting:
20-40% nude/seminude
22% girls, 18% boys
3x greater than in the past

If caught, kids lose: education, sports opportunities, etc. Inflicts emotional damage.
If you get one, don't delete it. Report it to a trusted adult so it can be taken care of. Then DELETE!

Golden Rules:
If you don't want everyone to see it, DON'T post it!!!
Once you send it you can't take it back!
Real life applies online.
Don't talk to strangers.
Don't give out private info.
Permission should be required to be online.
NOTHING is PRIVATE on the INTERNET!!!
There is no such thing as PERMANENT DELETION!
Postings are FOREVER!!!
Nothing is FREE!
Find the GOOD online. 

Below are more tips.























Discuss the following with your kids:
What is inappropriate on the Internet?
What happens when you hit inappropriate content?
What do you do?
Can you talk to me (parent) about anything inappropriate you happen to see? Why or Why not?

The Internet can be used for both bad and good. Help protect your children from the bad. Show them how it can be used for making the world a better place.

What have you done to teach your kids Internet safety?

Unplug Your Head

by H. Linn Murphy

A boy (I'll call him Eric) goes home from school every day and flies to the computer to do video games. If his mother lets him, he's on that computer either playing his own games, or watching other people play games, talking to his friends while they play games, or watching cartoons based on games. He has hard wired himself to seek that entertainment to the exclusion of homework, chores, Eagle Project, stake dances, Family Home Evening, family outings, family performances, fire sides, or church work.

And he's supported and encouraged in this by his father (I'll call him Jack), who is doing much the same thing when he goes home from work. From Eric's earliest moments, he's seen his father come in the door and run straight to the computer. Often Jack will keep the computer on the table clear through dinner. He allows Eric to shrug off his mom's pleas to do chores until after he's done with that particular scenario, which can last another hour or so. Jack's wife (Maggie) wants to say something, but she gets shot down whenever she opens her mouth. If she does, she's nagging. Maggie is at the end of her soap-on-a-rope.

The times when Jack has chosen to go and do something other than that with Eric are minimal (other than Mutual or Scout Camp). Eric has never been enthusiastically encouraged by his father to play a sport, work on Scouting, or even make great grades. They do play D&D--another fighting game.

It's my premise that these games are re-wiring their minds. Jack's wife has noticed that the two are less able to connect mentally to a conversation which is not game-related. They have trouble discussing anything emotional, spiritual, or deep. They are less apt to have ambitions beyond killing the next monster. They choose more and more often to game, rather than to do anything with a present human.

Studies have been done involving a dog and a bell and food. When the scientist feeds the dog, he rings a bell. Soon the dog begins to salivate at merely the sound of the bell. People are much the same way. It's fairly easy to train them if you give them the right stimulation.

Other studies have been done on rats. The rats are given something good to eat if they ring a bell. Then the scientist administers a mild shock. If the rat has been trained long enough, he'll take the shock with the reward. Then the reward is made smaller and smaller, with the shock either staying the same or growing more intense. The rat has been trained that good things come with that shock, so they'll go for it, even when the return is smaller than the shock value. The rat will go willingly to its death avidly hitting that stimulation button.

It's the same with video gaming, I feel. Jack will hit that button even if Maggie  has begged him for a date for weeks. The entertainment value is simply not enough, now, to get him out of that chair. As a result of this on a large scale, they haven't had an adult dance in their ward/stake in years. I personally have been on ward and stake councils and asked about a dance or a track meet or a service day and the answer is always the same. No one will come.

It is said that in the last days Men's hearts will fail them. I agree. It's already happening. Divorce is sky-rocketing. Fragmented families are everywhere. Why? Part of the reason is media. We are losing our ability to communicate in a meaningful, face-to-face conversation. I have been to many church dances as a chaperone. Me and my husband will be the only couple on the dance floor. The kids will be clumped around the edges texting their friends--who might be ten feet away.

How are marriages supposed to be intimate if the people involved can't even strike up a conversation about something on the surface like grades or the grocery list, let alone something spiritual or deep? They become incapable of concentrating, of caring and of dragging up the interest in connecting with a human. How are our children supposed to learn these critical skills of coping, togetherness, intimacy, and real caring if they've only been taught to chop people's arms off and hop over the body in their quest for the next zombie?

This is an important conversation to have at the beginning of your marriage. You have to know if he's going to cave when the going gets tough, and hit that pleasure button over and over again (or you, for that matter). I'm not certain how one addresses this problem years into it. I'm still working on that myself.

About fifteen years ago I played an online game. I even coded for it, enjoying the creative process. I spent countless hours both constructing the game, and playing. It was a multi-user dimension text-based game much like the video games. One day I looked up after playing all night, only to find the sun coming up. I couldn't believe it. Then my daughters got up, and I realised I had paid for my hours of entertainment with their baby minutes. I'd been so busy pushing the button that I'd traded away those precious first smiles and many of their baby coos. I got off and didn't get on for some three weeks. When I did so, my fifty-five level elf lord had been erased from the game and all of those countless hours of work and play had been lost. And who cared? Not a single soul. I had nothing to show for it. Nothing but regret.

Unplug your head. Go outside. Notice the green trees and that there are animals out there. Take your spouse on a walk or a run or to a dance or to the store or on a hike or camping. Let her (or him) know that she's/he's more important than a tiny little collection of pixels. Because after it's all said and done, you may win that video game, but who cares?

Say Yes to One More Thing...Jewel Allen

We have a new author with us:  Jewel Allen!!  We are so happy to have her on board to post her wisdom and tell us what her life has been like.

Check out her website www.JewelAllen.com

and wonderful writings: http://www.treasuredstories.net/

Say yes to one more thing

by Jewel Allen

Say whaaat? You are probably asking as you stare, bleary-eyed at your computer screen, thinking of that to-do list that perpetually hangs over your head. In this day of minimizing, downsizing, and simplifying, this advice runs contrary.

You see, I’m trying to save us all from turning into dry husks of coconut. I’m pushing us all to live real. Because unless you are experiencing life, your creative efforts will most likely remain flat, lacking that spark.

But what about Jane Austen, you ask? She lived, by all accounts, in a quiet household in a quiet town. Thing is, behind her demure façade, she people-watched. She noted drama, loves won and loves lost, and lucky for us, added her observations to her fiction.

It is very tempting as a writer to say no to everything that draws us away from our writing. I don’t know how many times I’ve sat at my computer instead of joining my family upstairs to watch a movie. When my family’s out riding horses, I’m revising a manuscript for the zillionth time. Sometimes, saying no is essential when you’ve spent the day on laundry, carpooling, milk runs and errands to the post office – everything but writing.

Oftentimes, however, we go too far.

Faced with opportunities to live, really live, we choose to opt out. We tell ourselves, “I cannot (fill in the blank) because I need to be writing.” As we retreat to ourselves, we end up stagnant. We may be a more productive writer, but as a human, we are under-developed.

I’ve been guilty of this, stripping my life to the bare essentials. Running my kids to school and doing the minimum possible before hiding out in my house to write the great American novel. What I lacked in excitement, I contrived on the written page. It was safe, shallow, and I’ll have to admit, boring.

To deepen and enrich our writer lives, we must be willing to get out and knock on doors.

On my wall in my home office, I have six framed photos of colorful doors. I’d taken these photos in Dublin, Ireland, two years ago visiting my sister. The doors fascinated me. They represented a paradox -   safety (a closed door) and boldness (vivid colors). I took a lot of photos, not knowing what I’d do with them, but now I’m glad. I finally put them up this past month on my wall, as a photo gallery, intending to pair it with the quote, “Doors will open to those bold enough to knock.”

We can only say yes to things if we knock on that door. Invited to proceed, we must actually turn the knob and go inside.

It has taken me the past twenty years to realize this. During that time, I worked as a journalist. I loved that I could file stories electronically and still be a stay-at-home mom. I loved that I could be privy to my subjects’ most intimate thoughts and aspirations. But I also suffered from envy. My subjects led interesting lives whereas I was simply observing.

Faced with the choice to remain a journalist or jump full-on into activism and politics, I knocked on the political door and opened it. This past year, I ran for city council and won. It was a hard decision. How could I write and be in politics? It seemed not only a time drain but four years of subject restrictions.

And yet I am finding it has given me a new lease on my creativity. I meet interesting individuals, learn my community’s back story, and can write with authority about politics. Whether or not I use this material someday, I am learning a lot about life and people.

Not everyone has the constitution nor the interest to run for office. Or something equally time-consuming. Because I won’t lie; it takes time and energy.

So start simple. Even volunteering in a child’s classroom can teach you something. When my daughter was in sixth grade, I volunteered to help in hers. My job was to pull aside a student out in the hall and practice math flash cards. I was supposed to teach them, in a fashion, and yet in reality they taught me. Week after week, I got to know these children, older beyond their years. They faced challenges in their home life which they candidly shared with me. They taught me that some things are more important and consequential than the correct answer to “eight times eight.”

As my kids have grown, I’ve said yes to being a journalist, opinion columnist, lead singer of a rock band, ghostwriter, author, activist, and now, politician. Some days, I feel like I am about as wrung out as I can be and have nothing more to give. I have stepped out of my comfort zone, taken risks, failed resoundingly in very public ways, eaten humble pie, and second guessed myself at every turn.

But there have also been other days when I meet people or end up in situations that lead to interesting opportunities. Like colorful doors, they beckon for me to knock, open and discover. I might not have all the time in the world to devote to writing, but I will have lived a life worth writing about.

And isn’t that worth saying yes to, today?

Jewel Allen is an award-winning journalist, author, ghostwriter, mom and politician. Read about her adventures on www.jewelallen.com.

This and That: Our Newest Blogger

After many posts over the years, some of our mommy bloggers will be leaving us. This is a great thing because they are now so busy with their writing that they can't possibly do everything. Tristie Pinkston and Dorine White are leaving our little group to move on to other writing adventures. 

Meet our newest blogger:  Donna Gonzales

Donna Gonzales had the blessing of being a stay at home mom and raising 8 children, all of whom are happily married. She has 18 grandchildren with number 19 arriving in August. She graduated with a degree in Literature and Writing from California State University San Marcos where she was on the newspaper and magazine staffs. Her writing is mostly LDS romance, but she’s also writing a semi-autobiography about growing up in the 50’s. She dips into a couple of other books outside her chosen genre from time to time. She likes to crochet, work counted cross stitch, and her new discovery Swedish Weaving along with scrapbooking. She dabbles in quilting and knitting, but doesn’t like needlepoint. She likes traveling, but gave up on tenting years ago. After a 9 month cross country road trip in 20012, she and her husband sold their RV, so now they stay in motels when they travel. She lives in north San Diego County, California. She has lived in southern California all of her life except when she and her husband were first married and he was going to BYU then that other school, University of Utah, for his masters.

You can follow her blog: http://donnaswritingworld.blogspot.ca/

Donna's first blog post:

This and That

Since I’m new to posting on this blog, I thought I’d introduce myself and write a few paragraphs mentioning what I plan to write about (by no means a complete list, who knows where life will lead). I’m looking forward to this experience.

I mostly write LDS romance with a life lesson the heroine needs to learn. A couple of examples: With Hidden Heritage, it’s forgiveness. In Escape from Fire, she needs to learn what she really wants in life. So yes, there will be posts about writing and the writing life.

As a woman who has been married 49 years, I will also post about life lessons and gospel principles I’ve learned more about. Any advice I may give, will always be with the disclaimer to use it if it feels right, and ignore it if it doesn’t. It’s your life. One example: Traditions, especially Christmas traditions. This was a hurdle for my husband and I when we were first married. We both felt that our own family traditions were “right.” There’s no right or wrong with traditions. Take some of yours, some of your husband’s and create new ones all your own. Even if you’ve been married several years, it’s never too late to discuss them. In fact this is a good time of year when the emotions of the holiday season aren’t as strong.

 I’ll also write posts about life in general. Perhaps how wonderful it is to have a now adult daughter who was rebellious as a teen hug me, and tell me she loves me, or the delights of being a grandmother. I love to travel and hike.

There are often things I learn from those experiences I use as ideas for bits in my books. I still haven’t found a place in my novels for hiking up the Narrows, and Kanarraville Falls (I did that last year), but hope to someday. One example of something I used: I saw an accident on my way to college, when I went back in the 90’s, into Divine Love.

Absolute joy with a squeeze from sweet sadness

by Suzanne Warr, aka Lily Black

Sunday was my son's birthday, and I won't lie, I teared up a couple times.  He's just shy of halfway through his mission, where he's serving for two years representing our church in Seoul, South Korea.  Monday I got a surprise call from Red Adept Publishing, telling me they'd like to publish my debut romantic thriller, and I'm not gonna lie, I teared up a bit.

Two lovely, joyful things.  Goals I've been working toward for years--and years, and years.  I also know my son is going to be so very thrilled for me, because we've hoped and prayed that any of my half dozen books in various stages of submission would be accepted for publication.  I had specific needs for my books, so I was being a bit selective, and am beyond happy that this particular book successfully navigated the strenuous dating process and found a publication match.  It's the story of two black belts who are each other exes, and a seriously unstable stalker.  It's also a story of hope, and forgiveness, and redemption.  One of the happiest things I've ever done was create my first facebook author page for my new pseudonym, Lily Black.

But, you guys!  Despite all the joy, there's a little tiny bit of sadness.  That most of the fuss and furor will have died down before my son finds out, this Monday.  That despite having been a part of this journey every step of the way and hoping for me more than anybody but maybe his dad and sis, he will be the last to know.  That I can't give him a hug, when he finds out.  That he may feel alone, because no one where he is--especially since he just lost his companion and is the third part of an already existing companionship--will get it, or have the history to understand this.

So, a little sadness.  But, where is joy, without sadness?

If you've seen Inside Out (one of my all time favorite movies) you know what I'm talking about...and if you've lived long enough to read this, you understand, too.  Kids can't grow up without leaving, scattered behind them, the precious, beautiful stages of life that were their little years.  The sun can't rise without saying good night to the twinkling stars.  And this particular answer to our prayers couldn't come without the separation--the sacrifice--of our son and my daughter's brother being away from his family--and every family time of growth and closeness--for two years.

I know this.  And in light of that knowledge, I'm giving myself two commandments.  One, to tear up a little, without guilt.  There is no shame in acknowledging sacrifice, or a little sadness.  And two, to embrace the joy, without holding back.  Embrace gratitude that any tears which slip out do so because my cup runneth over.  Then smile, and smile, and look forward to giving my son the biggest hug in the universe, when he comes home.

Adversity

A year ago I broke my foot. It was a learning experience to say the least, not having broken anything before.

I learned I tolerate pain pretty well. We'd thought this was a fluke that only applied to me during childbirth.

I learned to accept help. There were many willing to serve. 

I learned gratitude for the things that work. 

I learned patience. Given enough time and rest my body would heal. 

I learned perseverance. Physical therapy is all about going the distance and enduring to the end. 

I learned that trials are also opportunities to work on other areas and grow in different directions.

I learned empathy for those whose bodies work differently than mine. 

I learned to be positive. You can't always change reality, but you always have control over your attitude. 

I learned that sometimes the end isn't the end, just more time to progress. Though I do hope to remain unbroken this year. 

Adversity can be painful, but it helps us grow. 

To that end, here is a video a friend shared with me this morning. I hope you find it helpful in surviving with grace and alacrity your own adversity. 

https://www.lds.org/media-library/video/2011-04-002-trial-of-adversity?lang=eng

What have you learned from adversity?

 

Puzzle Pieces and Bringing the Light

by H. Linn Murphy

 Please pretend it's the 11th. I've been wretchedly busy and sick this month.

I was reading in Alma today and the thought occurred to me about how intricate God's designs are. The Book of Mormon couldn't have come to the Earth in this time. Look how easy it is to fake things—movie magic and sleight-of-hand and doctoring documents and a thousand other things someone could say might have been the origin of Joseph Smith's visions and the Book of Mormon. Instead, Moroni came at a time when the whole countryside was up in arms about religion. It was a nutrient-rich environment.

So many puzzle pieces had to fall perfectly into place. Guttenberg had to build his press. Martin Luther had to step up and risk the flames to bring light to the darkness. Joan of Arc had to stand for what she believed. George Washington and his patriots had to risk penury and death to build a free country. And thousands of people in between who stepped up or held back. I wonder how many people it took before Martin Luther said he'd go against the juggernaut that was the Catholic Church.

If Moroni had come to a 14-year-old boy in the dark ages, that boy would have been burned at the stake. If that boy had been an extremely well-educated man with libraries full of books and university credits behind his name, how much more difficult would it be to believe that he hadn't fabricated the evidence of the Book of Mormon?

Moroni had to come to someone who would stick his head up, risk censure and attacks on every side, and stand like the Rock of Gibralter in the face of the battering tides. He had to be indomitable and just malleable enough to accept God's guidance and the persecution that went with it. And persecution had to be part of the mix, or we'd wonder if Joseph had built the church to augment his need for power and attention. That terrible treatment instead honed the man into a fiery sword as the dross fell away.

I wonder what God is honing me to do. Will I be the weapon He needs to use at the correct times and in the correct places, or will I turn brittle and break? Am I one of his necessary puzzle pieces?