Working Resolutions Your Way

by Lisa Rector

I’m pretty sure the root of all my problems is lack of sleep.

Actually, I am absolutely sure.

I suffer from Restless Leg Syndrome (RLS). If you have it, you know exactly what I mean. My legs run in my sleep, wearing holes in my sheets; I go through two sets of sheets a year. My legs spasm during the day if I don’t get enough movement or if I overwork my legs. I have to have the perfect amount of exercise. My legs will “tweak out” on long car rides. How do I describe that? Because car space is so tight, even in the front passenger seat, if my legs can’t move how they want, they freak out. The sensation is much like ants using my blood vessels as a highway. Sometimes the sensation is like mild electric jolts.

And don’t get me started on plane flights. I take nerve medication to dull the pain.

Even though I take medication at night, getting a restful night’s sleep is still a miracle.

What does this have to do with my resolutions? 

Number one resolution is to get enough sleep. Why? Because if I don’t, I am a serious disaster, and my brain is foggy. I was worried I was suffering from short-term memory loss. I leave notes right in the middle of the counter so I can remember things for the next day. Sometimes the next hour.

Yeah, it’s that bad.

But once I made the connection of my irritability and my poor memory to my lack of sleep, I felt hope.

I can work with this.

Number one is to take my medication regularly. I don’t like taking prescription pills, but I have to suck it up and just do it for my sanity.

Number two to counter my foggy memory, make a lovely graphic of the things I want to accomplish every day, but also realize that I don’t have to do all of the things on the list every day. With the list, then in those moments when I stand there thinking I should be doing something but I can’t remember, I can consult the list.

Many of the things on my list are non-fiction books I want to read, mostly pertaining to my spirituality. I was getting discouraged with my scriptural reading and with keeping up with Sunday school lessons. I feel more power with a list. Plus, instead of feeling as if I need to do a marathon sprint with any particular book of scripture or other religious material, I can read a little of each every day.

I’m doing this with my writing education as well. I really want to read Chicago’s Manual of Style and my Emotional Thesaurus and Character Traits books, but just a few pages each day. That way I feel like I am moving forward.

Another thing about my resolutions. A few years ago I ran a half-marathon. The marathon destroyed my body and triggered an all over inflammatory response where my body attacks itself. My body still is and, I’m pretty sure, will always be messed up. An excess of anything, including inflammatory foods and too much exercise makes me swell, and my body shuts down. What? Yeah. How do I overcome that?

It sucks. I feel like I have an autoimmune disease. And who knows, maybe I do. I don’t plan on going to the doctor to find out. But I have noticed that tasks I could accomplish are growing more difficult. My husband has to dig the holes in our hard clay soil for me now when I garden. I can’t walk as an exercise for more than twenty minutes. Thirty minutes pushes it big time, and by the end of the day, I am nonfunctional. I can’t go clothing shopping or grocery shopping for more than two hours. And I have to come home and rest for half the day when that’s over.

But at least I know my limits.

What does this have to do with resolutions?

I discovered what works for me. I sit a lot, but I have to get up and move because of my nerve pain in my lower back and neck and my lymphedema in my ankles. But movement relieves all of these. Whenever I know I am going to be sitting for a while, I set a timer for forty-two minutes. Why forty-two minutes? That’s the length of a TV show or that’s how long it takes me to pluck out a scene. That’s also how I break up my reading tasks. Read Chicago for forty-two minutes or read my church materials for forty-two minutes. It’s a perfect amount of time. I read just a few pages, an article, or a whole chapter if it’s short, but I break things up if sections are too long. That way I don’t feel overloaded by spending too much time in one particular area.

And then I jump up and either tackle a chore like vacuuming or

I crank some music in my kitchen and dance like a crazy fool (while incorporating some hand weights). The dancing is my preferred form of movement. The Lindsey Sterling tracks I listen to are anywhere from three to five minutes and get my heart pumping. Plus the music inspires my writing, and I sit down ready to dive back in.

So, in the end, what matters is that you set up your resolutions so they work for you.

I have a mantra I like to follow. It’s posted on my blog side bar. “When you cannot do what you have always done, then you only do what matters most.”

50th Anniversary

Moderators often ask senior couples, “How did your marriage last 50 years?” I ask myself that same question, but for a different reason. 50^th anniversaries are for old people sitting in wheel chairs or using walkers. I don’t need either one, so how can I be so close to mine? I’m still doing things like hiking Kanarraville Falls.

 I can’t be old enough. Yet today is January 23, 2017, and I was married January 27, 1967. It’ll only be a few more days. Even I can do the math.

            Was it easy? Not always. We had the normal ups and downs all couples do. Today I’m going to write about a few subjects that cause marital stress, and point out solutions I see.

            Most important to me is our joint belief in God, and the Savior Jesus Christ. However, as important as it is, it isn’t a success/fail item. One of our sons left the church. Our daughter-in-law still believes. They have a solid marriage. I’m not privy to, nor should I be, how they make it work.

            Another major sore spot in marriages: in-laws. The couple is married now. They have started a family of your own. Even if they need to live with parents for a time they and their spouse set the family rules, especially when it comes to raising children. They probably have spent a lifetime honoring and obeying parents, but as hard as it may be facing them, their new loyalty is with their spouse. Never bad-mouth the spouse in front of parents no matter how upset you are at the moment. Stick with him or her, standing up to parents if necessary. Work it out with your spouse privately.

            Another point, traditions are not laws or even rules. There is no right or wrong. The other spouse also has strong feelings about how their family did things. I’ll use Christmas as an example. Perhaps family A always baked Christmas cookies together. Maybe family B thought buying special ingredients and baking cookies was a waste of money and time. Perhaps family B bought Christmas cards for each person in the family. That was a waste of money for family A.  Cards were for friends and family that lived far away. The new family they should take some of his and some of hers, even more important create new ones all their own.

            Next is a big one—finances. Work out the details together—situations vary: Do both of you work? Is one better at math? Is one thriftier than the other? Most often, one spouse takes care of the finances; however, the other spouse must know what’s going on. I had a friend who kept the books. One night, she didn’t come home from K-mart. Her body was found in the trunk of her car. He had no idea what bills they had. In the first few weeks fake bills came in. It took him months and professional help to get things straightened out. You must go over finances together.

            Couples need to put each other and their relationship before children. Children grow up and leave the nest. If a couple has been living in 2 different worlds, they won’t know each other. We hear about couples that divorce after 30 years or more of marriage and we ask why. Often, one big reason is they have grown apart. That doesn’t mean you have to do everything together. You may never agree on the best type of movie or book. Look for things you both like to do, and concentrate on those. Learn a little about your spouse’s interests. If it’s sports, learn the rules. If it’s dancing, take lessons. Set aside pride and the “I am always right” attitude. By the way, gravity works just as well no matter whether the most-important-paper-in-the-world is over or under. Don’t sweat the stuff.

            We’ve made it for 50 years, and you can too. 

Doors and Windows

I love the line in the musical The Sound of Music when Maria says, "When God closes a door, somewhere he opens a window." 

Earlier this month, I had a week just like that. 

My novella, 12 Days to Love, had been accepted into an anthology and was slated to publish later this spring. Unfortunately, that project was cancelled due to some of Amazon's terms of service. The past anthologies were taken down (I'd enjoyed reading them all). All future projects were terminated. 

Understandably many past and present authors were sad about the news. While I was certainly disappointed, I believed that meant this novella was meant for another purpose. 

The next day, a window opened regarding my novella. I can't yet disclose the details, but I'm very excited about the new opportunity and to put this tale into reader's hands.  

It's a good comparison to life. Sometimes opportunities fall through. Most likely, HE has another purpose for you and your work, whatever it it. And HIS way is always better. 

I'd love for you to share in the comments below when doors have closed and windows have opened in your life. 

It is of God

Good morning. Happy bloated-after-the-holidays day!

Queen of procrastination here. I promised myself I would have the Book of Mormon at the top of my read list this year on my lovely book-packed Goodreads 2016 Reading Challenge. Guess what. A week ago, with only two weeks left in the year, I realized I better get started with reading the Book of Mormon. Don’t get me wrong, I read sporadically during the year, but not the whole thing. So I popped in the BOM on CD and got started. I am up to Mosiah. But it will be at the top of my challenge by the New Year.

As I listened to Joseph Smith’s testimony of how the angel Moroni appeared to him, I reached the part where Joseph tries to work after a night of interviews with the angel. Joseph collapses in the field and receives another vision where the angel tells him to go back and tell his father about his heavenly visitations.

I’m cleaning in my kitchen, and before the next paragraph starts, I mutter to myself, “It is of God,” meaning the whole thing, the heavenly visits and the testimony of Joseph and the subsequent translation of the Book of Mormon. As soon as I said those words, on the CD, Joseph’s father tells Joseph the same thing. “That it (the heavenly message) was of God.”

A warmth flooded my body then as the Holy Spirit washed over me, confirming the truth of the words I whispered aloud and the words of Joseph’s Father. Even with all my procrastination of my goals, I will always know the Book of Mormon is of God and that it is true.

Christmas Time

It’s that time of year with the hustle and bustle of Christmas. Is it commercialized? Yes. Is there too much attention to the lights, shopping, baking, wrapping, and such? Absolutely.

            Do we have to shun all such frills? I say no, not if we keep the true spirit of Christmas in our hearts.

            I’m going to expand on something our bishop (if you aren’t LDS—he’s the equivalent of a pastor or priest) mentioned last Sunday. He came to realize that although the busyness, Santa, and such don’t directly have anything to do with that sacred birth, it’s okay. Those things still bring attention to Christ in the secular world. People who may not have heard of Him any other way notice the blinking lights and good cheer.

            It’s a time for giving. Charities gain much needed funds due to the generous feelings this season brings. Families are drawn together. The lights can represent the light of Christ within every person on earth. Santa can teach children about giving anonymously. The list goes on. I would ask the reader to look for themselves and discover how the secular trappings of the season point back to Christ.  

The center of this celebration is and always should be the birth of Jesus Christ, our Savior and Lord. He did what no other person could do. He suffered for us. Without him all would be lost. He is the Way, the Truth, and the Light. His birth brought angels to the earth singing to shepherds. Kings from the east traveled from afar. I’m quite certain they didn’t arrive the night of His birth as depicted in manger scenes. That too is okay—it’s part of the story.

What’s important is that he was born, showed mankind how to live, and ultimately suffered and died that we might live back with our Heavenly Father when this life of testing is over. 

Gratitude

This is something I wish was going around at my house more often this Christmas. Gratitude. 

Lately, I've noticed my oldest acting "entitled." How did this happen? It's an attribute I've striven as a parent for my child NOT to cultivate. A enormous list of wants for presents under the tree from this non-believer who has Santa's cell phone number and can text him at will and whim. 

Where is the gratitude for what is already in her possession? Where is the willingness to share? Does she not know there are people without homes, food, and no hope of ever having a cell phone? That there are places in the world where instead of wanting their two front teeth, they'd rather have clean water in their town/village instead of hiking miles to get it, sometimes mulitiple times a day. How does she not see the bigger global picture? 

More importantly, how do I get her to see it? 

The other day she threw such a fit, the third in a series this week, that I was ready to tell Santa to unwrap the presents and send them back. No gifts this year. Perhaps that would shake her back to reality. But then, how do we explain that to the Believer in the house? Your older sibling was so naughty she didn't even rate coal, instead she got nothing? That wouldn't go over well and I have no wish to spend Christmas Day with a ticked off tween on the rant. 

I bought a sign a few years ago, it reads, "Simplify Christmas. Celebrate Christ." HE is what Christmas is supposed to be about. Not a jolly red man in a suit, or a castout reindeer with a shiny red nose, or even the ghosts of Christmas Past, Present, and Future. (I really don't have any complaints with a Christmas Carol. Dickens message about caring for your fellowman is in line with Christ's teachings.) 

The season is about gratitude for God's Plan of Happiness and for Christ being born. It is about reflecting on HIS example and how we can make changes to become more like him. It is about sharing the joyful message, sharing HIS light, sharing what we have with those who are without. 

Yes, yes, you nod. That is all very well and good but you have nearly thirty years experience and maturity to draw on for your bigger picture perpsective. Your oldest child doesn't. 

True. And though I tell her about the sacrifices made on my behalf by my single mom and how I was aware of how much I learned about the cost and value of things which made me appreciate them, she doesn't get it. 

So, my question to you is, How do you help your child to cultivate gratitude and see the bigger picture, not just at this time of year, but all year long? What do you do to put HIM at the center of your life and your child's/children's lives? 

'Cause I'm all ears.

Otherwise, we might simplify Christmas next year to the point of no presents under the tree. 

Happy Holidays! May they be merry, bright, and full of light...and gratitude.  

The Great Christmas Race

by H. Linn Murphy

Every Christmas we join the mad rush to buy just the right Christmas presents around oh...Christmas Eve if you're my husband. It drives me nuts. I try to start doing things much earlier in the year, but it comes to no avail.  He's very rigid about what he wants for gifts (that is such a foreign concept to me. It should be a PRESENT, not an order) and won't make a list until about three days before Christmas Eve. The years I've bought things not on his list have been tough. You should have seen what happened the year I bought him a used row boat. A few weeks ago he almost sold it to some guy from the street.

One year I'd gone  to garage sales and gotten things for everyone I knew they'd like. The Hubs looked at what I'd gotten them and began what has become his new tradition. We have to do what seems like a spread sheet. There are rows for music, games, clothing, movies, books and miscellaneous. I plug stuff I've bought into its little slot and write down the price of that thing. Then he totals the line until we've spent basically the same amount on everyone.

It sounds all neat and democratic. It actually means that all those things I bought at garage sales or made don't fit neatly into any slot, and thus frustration. It means that he goes out to try and make his sheet total up. It means that after the beautiful dinner and the live nativity scene and the watching Santa on NORAD and taking Crazy Mary home, that we spend the rest of the night 'til around 5:30am wrapping presents. Which also means I'm stone dead for the whole of Christmas day.

And I hate it.

We're talking zombie apocalypse here. And the kids, until last year insisted on coming to get us up and the crack of freaking dawn. Last year was the first time ever that they decided to sleep in. Which gave me around three hours of sleep. Unfortunately now I have a new child--the dog, who wakes me up about 5:30am to play countless games of Keep-the-dog-ball-away-from-Heidi-while-still-making-her-stay-outside-to-throw-it. 

Last year I did one small change. I made the kids help me wrap presents (not their own, of course). It helped immensely. Then we were only up until about three am. So that's my dream for this year--early wrapping.

This is what I'd actually like to do:

*We start early. *We make things, or shop sales or maybe shop online. (What would actually be really hilarious is if we gifted them with their own stuff...to take to whatever place they decide to call home.) *Then if there are a few little things, we go together and have fun finding them. *We then wrap them together very early (before December) so that we can enjoy a Spirit-filled Christmas, full of service, music, good food, friends, and family and most of all, Christ. 

In fact, I'd almost like to celebrate Christmas on the 27th. After all, we don't actually celebrate Christ's birthday on the correct day anyway (it's actually around April 6th). Because that's when the buy Buy BUY season goes bye-bye. The massive doses of silly shows end (I absolutely HATE that Mr. Freeze from Frosty 2 and the song that goes with it even more. It has absolutely nothing to do with Christmas) and the pressure with it. It's that dead time which, if done right, could be filled with peace and joy and the actual celebration of Christ's birthday instead of Mammon's.

Please don't get me wrong. I love Santa and presents and so many other aspects of Christmas. I love the traditions we have. I just don't love the pressure for all of it to be perfect, instead of how we treat each other being perfect.
 
This is what will really happen:

Now they've got boy/girl friends or spouses or any number of other places to go on Christmas. All our carefully constructed traditions will systematically be blown out of the water and we'll find ourselves on Christmas Eve (or day) waving at the receding car like the parents on FIDDLER ON THE ROOF as their girls go off to the Ukraine or some other back-of-beyond place. It already started to happen that way last year. Somebody has to go to another house on Christmas since they came to ours on Thanksgiving. Somebody doesn't want to dress up for the Nativity Scene so they trundle off to the boyfriend's house. And suddenly it was just the youngest who only wanted to play video games. It was a little empty. I know that's life, and I know I used to wish they were more grown up about things, but this is now.

I worry about what will happen when the kids all leave. What will Christmas look like then? I already get a glimpse when we go to church by ourselves. Lots of times we don't even ride together. I guess there is such a thing as too much peace on earth. Maybe.