It's Going To Be Okay

Valerie J. Steimle

I just sat there watching.  Watching the garbage men throw all of our trash into this humongous collector’s truck with a big claw.  The contents were the sum of the past 24 years living in Alabama. It was piled pretty high. My husband and I raised nine children there until he passed away at fifty leaving me to raise the last five on my own for the past ten years. I became contemplative as I watched all of this mess go into the big bin and my youngest, now 17 asked, “What are you thinking?”  He knew by the look on my face that my brain was off in deep thought.

It seemed that our whole life was in the contents of that trash. There were old puzzles with missing pieces, twenty years of homeschool work, my writing drafts on paper, old bills, old clothes unfit for humans, and other stuff that no one would be interested in keeping.  Just twenty-four years of life. Though, all is not lost to me it was quite the pile and made me realize that I am sliding into the empty nester stage.  I still have those memories in my head as I have filled 10 journals and 5 photo albums with all the good we have done together.

I am moving out of this house now which pushed and shoved me into cleaning out the attic and getting rid of the clutter from nine children and two husbands.  I remarried after Bob passed but now I find myself single again. It will take some adjusting back to just me with Henry along side.  He has a year to go until his LDS Church mission so in one year I will really be on my own. That’s a scary thought. I have never really been on my own. Oh sure, I spent four years at college but I didn’t consider that on my own. I

always had roommates and I was so involved with the lives of many people around me like family and close friends, I didn’t feel on my own.  But now I am (although I am moving closer to my oldest with her four children and that will help to have family).

I have little regrets as I think about the years I have lived so far.  There are a few but for the most part of I have tried to always make the right decisions. Not only for myself but for my children and husband. I haven’t been writing lately because I just can’t find the gumption. It left me somehow. Although every so often I find myself pounding out an article that moves me and feel passionate about.

Our life here on earth is a great learning experience but sometimes I just can’t see it that way.  When I have my senses around me then I can put everything in perspective. Just recently The Piano Guys came out with a new song and video to go along with it. Listening to this song has an amazing effect on my mood and psyche. 

I had the worst Friday recently probably in all of my life (except in losing both husbands) and listening to this video lifted my spirits in an amazing way. When we are in the midst of a trial it is difficult to see the sun through the clouds. If we just hang in there, eventually everything will be okay.

Click to watch Video: It's Going to Be Okay..